Sunday I was finally able to work on my plants and in the flower garden. I was almost near the end of planting some seeds when I stepped on the rake and it smacked me hard on the right side of my face. I felt my eyeball smoosh and a few minutes later, my right nostril started to bleed. It made me nervous because I will never forget the actress that was married to Liam Neeson who hit her head and decided to lay down and never woke up. Most recently, Bob Saget died after a head trauma, went to bed and again, never woke up. I wasn't sure if I should be concerned, so I went to the emergency room, the walk in clinic was closed and I was seen fairly quickly for my initial assessment by the nursing staff. The nurse seemed unphased by my symptoms; I wasn't dizzy, blurry eyed or vomitting and I didn't lose consciousness, so I patiently waited more than another hour for the doctor to see me and discharge me, I decided to leave. Mom prayed for me and I said a few prayers thinking I could not leave Jake at 15, the house in such a state and so many debts on my back. I did think about 'is this when and how I will go, what's to come, will I see Sandra, Donna, my dad? Will I know when I'm going, at least I was doing something I loved and will it be rewarding or sad to see the flowers bloom after my death?'
I cautiously fell asleep on the couch and woke up the next day. Three days later, I'm still sore, but it was the first time I was thankful I woke up and have a chance to fix things before I leave, hopefully after Jake is established independently.
I mean I'm not thrilled to be alive and the only reason I hang around now is for Jake and my family. Maybe I'll move some place where it's mostly sunny and I can have a small bit of home near friendly animals and close to water and beautiful views.
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