I hate today! I hate life right now and I'm going to strangle someone or something if I don't get it out. Nothing works today! I mean nothing is working today! I'm so angry because this is when I feel like life is unnecessarily hard. My apple id is disabled because Jake hijacked my account again and they disabled our accounts. I haven't contacted them again to get it straightened out but long story short, I don't have access to my Icloud storage, my music or the ability to use the app store for purchases or updates. So the problem I've had forever with not having enough storage on my laptop is a problem again. So I figure, let me get this laptop cleaned up once and for all! I finally find the external storage with plenty of room, but it won't work. Says there's not enough storage. I look to see how much I've have on my devices to backup, Icloud is 300+ GB, Docs and email are also 300+ each. So I go to my email that has over 10,000 unread messages and I begin to clean it up. Several hours later, I go to bed. The hat I'm knitting had a stitch barely on and I dropped down to fix it, but it's brioche tuck stitch and at the start/end of the row, so it's complicated. I tried to duplicate the process, but I'm not skilled enough or it's impossible. After a few attempts and a couple more hours, I just decided that it would be easier to frog it 5 rows.
The most annoying is the fact that the cable isn't working. I just got things upgraded and it's had some hiccups, but now, the box needs to be replaced and needs a technician. That means it'll have to be scheduled and the earliest is 3 days out. So here I go trying to get my FireTV stick to work, it always gives me trouble on that 60" Smart TV that I paid $3K for 5 yrs ago! So it's silent in the livingroom and I really wanted to get some things done and having tv in the background is my "whistle while you work". Then I look around and every room looks worse than when I started to clean up and declutter. I've been working on decluttering honestly since we lost Sandra three years, but crap keeps happening, like the basement is wet and we had a great space for lounging in the basement, but it's basically a junk room. Every room in my house, garage and yard, is a junk room! I keep trying to get rid of stuff and I keep bringing in stuff to make things more organized or to use in place of something I got rid it. So actually the most frustrating thing that's not working is me today is my effort to clean up, but underlying frustration with the battle of the bulge. I've been on a cleanse from meat, alcohol, sugars, processed foods, flour, grain, most dairy and eating tons of vegetables, broths, water. Yet, no weight loss. I fluctuate between 171-175 lbs. The final straw I am sensing as I type this is feeling lonely. I sometimes dream about the kind of romantic relationship I wish I had but never have had. It's not fantasy. It's simply someone finding you attractive, worthy and you find him attractive, clever, possessing qualities that you strive for in yourself like hard working, fun, funny, chill and a desire to grow, honesty and compassion.
I just want to scream because I'm so angry! I'm in my living room again after picking up my mom from church and running errands since we're all out. I want to soothe my mood with something warm and sweet like a latte or hot chocolate, fire going, and tv in the background as I knit in a clean living room.
There's more, more financial stuff, but I can't stand to even type it. Let's just say one account is useless and I'm out a few more thousands. Thinking about the mail, I'm right back at SCREAM!!!!
I'm trying not to punish myself by not eating what I am allowing myself to eat during the cleanse, but I just want to see something work! I'm going to go into the shed and scream into a pillow. Maybe that would help. But even this is not working.
