Time and Place

I'm at a time and place where I'm caught up on my work and I'm just trying to stay awake long enough to stay "here". At home, I'm starting to tackle those tasks that have been sitting there since it was cold and I was stressed. So this morning I went through one of the bags I tucked my pile of school work and books away in. I could've worked on the garden or ran again today, but I decided to shower first thing and that set everything else in motion. My creative juices are starting to surface and I'm dying to make something or paint something... I went to Michael's last night, a craft shop, and picked up Jake's frame for his sun print he made at DCH and it looks wonderful, but is a strange size, so I ordered another kit of 5" x 7" sheets to work on this summer. It'll be fun for me and mom and maybe some of his friends.

I've been tired and nervous and worrying about my blood pressure. So I started taking my water pill again, but it depresses me. I don't understand what's wrong with my body that losing weight, working out and eating right doesn't resolve? I know, many others deal with diabetes and other genetic diseases that they will take medication for for the rest of their lives, but I hate what the water pill does to me, could be doing to me, to the rest of my systems. Then I've gained weight with the past weekend and my period and I'm probably retaining water... I so tired it's hard to work out and being nervous makes me eat. I've been going through a container of roasted peanuts (no salt) like it's my job. Every time I wonder, 'could I be pregnant?', but I know I'm not. I'm trying to stay focused, remembering why I need to lose these last 8 pounds, the HTN, my health over all, Jake, my confidence, summer clothes, etc. I think being tired, arguing with Jim again and trying to keep things in order is what's really the issue. Despite all of that, I still have a headache, the one I was worried about it being a symptom of my HTN. I'm going to the beach tomorrow after work with my Aging friends. I hope it's an incredibly relaxing weekend. I'm starting to look forward to taking a break from case managing and doing internship again, these clients are driving me crazy!