Grrrr! I feel awful!

In a really awful mood. I feel awful, I'm gaining weight, this weekend was bad. I feel so overwhelmed and hopeless. Like running up hill and no end in sight, no view, no hope of reaching my goal. I'm inclined to think this is hormonal, but I can't pinpoint it, I'm just hating my life right now. I worked on the yard a little. I'd been avoiding it because most of what we worked so hard on last year is beginning to weed again. So I brought down all of my gardening books and started going through them for knowledge, guidance, inspiration. It helped a little. I was able to tackle a group of azalea bushes and all the underbrush. A little bit of fertilizer and mulch and it actually looks good. I'm piling through my folders, getting everything in order for the audit, but still need to work on finding a placement, talking to my supervisors, entering client's in the new system and turning in my last bit of paperwork for internship. Oh, and get rid of the piles and do mom's tax returns. Oh shoot! I only have four more days, must start them tomorrow.

So I'm feeling like crap, guilty about what I've eaten all weekend and discouraged about what I haven't lost, more importantly, what I continue to gain and my sucky husband says to me, "Could you not sing when you work out?" This is where the saying 'there's a fine line between love and hate' comes from . I mean it's hard enough to be motivated on Monday evening after a long day of work, cooking dinner, then taking care of a beautiful, but energetic four year, but to add to it, so typical.

I took something for the bloated, backed up feeling and had salads for lunch and dinner. Hopefully I'll be feeling physically better in a day or so. I've got caught up on my notes again and am more than half way through with going through my charts.

I won't give up, I have to remember why I do this, for my son, for my health, for my self image. I will start again tomorrow. Tonight, I'll rest.