Strangers

Jim and I have been working hard at treating each other better. Jim has been more positive and I have been more cooperative. But Wednesday came and I was at my intern site all day, two groups, paperwork, running around, preparing for class and then class. I was tired, starved, then stuffed, frustrated and by the end of the night, I crawled into the house, dropped my bags, shoulders sloped and sighed. The next day I went back to my intern site and started my day as any other, smiling at strangers, asking how people were doing, being polite, cherry, etc. Then it hit me...remember when Jim and I were strangers? When I used to smile at him whenever I greeted him for the first time that day. When I used to be polite and patient and friendly? I mean, I don't treat him badly, but I definitely show others a side of me that he only sees when I'm greeting friends or strangers. Well that doesn't make much sense? How can I expect him to be how he used to be, when I am not either. I thought about how I come home and we say "hey" and go about our routine. I thought about how I don't do that with Jake. That I smile when I see him, that I hug and kiss him and ask him how his day was. Why? Because I'm so happy to see him and he's so happy to see me and he makes me feel loved. I love my husband and I know he loves me, I can't expect him to treat me one way and it not be reciprocated. So I decided that when Jim came home last night that I would greet him like I would a stranger or a friend. I was changing my clothes when he walked into the room. I turned and with a huge and pleasant smile, I said, "Hello." The response was better than the I expected! He just stared at me for a minute and then cautiously asked "What?" It's going to take some time for us to get used to this, but I see it working. I'm coming back to this blog after a day and so far I've used it again when he came home from work and this morning I said, hung over but still very cherry, "Good morning!". I'm looking forward to seeing where this will go, for now, I get excited when I think about seeing Jake and I'll "fake it till I make it" with Jim.